An Open Letter To Our Dad’s: It’s Time To Forgive Yourself

It’s time for you to forgive yourself.

It’s time for you to forgive yourself for all you didn’t know, all you didn’t do and all the times you tried and failed.

It’s time for you to forgive yourself.

It’s time for you to forgive yourself for all the times you called and said you were coming and didn’t show up. It’s time for you to forgive yourself for every time you did show up, but were not present. It’s time for you to forgive yourself for not always having the money your children needed.

It’s time for you to forgive yourself for not always having the skills your children needed.

It’s time to forgive yourself for what you have done to the mothers of your children.

It’s time to forgive yourself for the hurtful things you have said, the derogatory words you have used and the denigrating ways you have used the mothers of your children.

It’s time for you to forgive yourself for your silence when we needed you to speak.

It’s time for you to forgive yourself for talking too loudly when we needed you to listen.

It’s time for you to forgive yourself fathers, not because you are no longer accountable, not because the impact of your choices does not linger, not because it will be over and will never come up again, but because we need you to release the guilt, the shame and the self -directed rage so that this energy can be shifted, transmuted and transformed into the healing you need and the love we all long for.

You see, Wounds entrap energy when unprocessed. And though little is ever said of  it, I know you carry  pain, guilt and rage at yourself, for who you were often not able to or didn’t know how to be. This anger and rage, though it has often showed up against your children and the mothers and co-fathers of your children; is preventing you from pressing forward. It is preventing you from helping us to transform our communities. It is preventing you from transforming you.

Your forgiveness of self does not mean those who you have hurt will no longer be angry. It does not mean that the “past is just the past”. No manipulation of new age doctrines of “living in the now” will be accepted when your past transgressions are raised. You are still accountable and you forgiving yourself will not be a one day process that alleviates all of those who you have wounded.

It will be only be a beginning.

But it is a beginning that is desperately overdue…

Today, give your children and our communities, the gift of forgiving yourself.

It is the gift that keeps on giving and the gift that may just help give us the world that we need.

In the spirit of love, peace and healing,

Yolo

© Michael Robinson 2011

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